I had a very weird dream last night that I haven't been able to shake.
It was about, basically, the end of humanity, I think. But it was also pleasant and nice. It started with a bunch of people walking through a parking garage, one of those multi-story ones. (I have a rather large number of dreams about walking through parking garages, for some reason. I'm sure it's related to anxiety somehow -- I can never find my car in the dreams. But this wasn't about that.) Basically it was a crowd of people, all winding their way through the garage. I think we were going down, actually. And when we got to the bottom, it was on the edge of a cliff, with water below. And we started jumping into the water. I was a little nervous about it, but I did it. And once someone jumped into the water, they turned into...a fish, or a seal, or a penguin, or something like that. (The scene reminds me, after the fact, of the part in March of the Penguins where it's finally summer and the penguins are jumping off the ice and into the water.) And once you were in the water, if you looked up you could see that the other people -- the ones who hadn't jumped yet -- were also fish. I think before you were in the water, you couldn't see the people as fish -- even the ones in the water -- but once you jumped in, you could see it.
And it was all sort of...delightful. The water was very warm and buoyant (and I am NOT a good swimmer). And also, I think you could actually breathe the water, once you were a fish.
And it was sort of known, I guess, to everyone, that it was the end of humanity. I don't know if was environmental, or what, but I think it was just the case that humanity's time was over and we were having to jump into this water and become fish, and that was how it was going to end. But no one seemed all that upset; everyone was just sort of going along, being communal, and laughing in the water, etc. I don't think we were going to drown -- I think we were just becoming someone else. I think, also, it was sort of like, we were evolving backwards -- like we'd had some time to be humans, and now we were going back into the sea, like a tide going out.
I remember realizing that it was the end of humanity -- or, I don't think it was really a surprise, but sort of realizing it anew. And being a little panicky for a moment, like "Wait, is this REALLY OK? Have we thought about this enough?" (I am big on making sure I have thought about stuff enough.) But there was really nothing to be done, and mostly I remember that I was really OK with it. We were going...somewhere else, and we weren't sure what was going to happen but we were going to be OK.
Reading this over I'm finding it sounds vaguely religious, and I'm not religious and I don't know if that's really it. But a story where the world ends and humanity goes on to a new phase is a pretty common thing, I guess. It also reminds me a bit of the end of Childhood's End, which I haven't read since however many months ago when I posted about it. And also I was trying to remember in the shower this morning the part about the being able to breathe underwater -- it was from some science fiction book -- and I finally remembered that it was in some old Star Trek: TNG novel, of all things. There were these bubbles that you swam through and it was liquid inside, but the liquid was oxygenated enough that people could breathe it once they got used to it, and actually once they got back to breathing the air it felt sort of sharp and thin and cold. I guess I imagined what that was like and internalized it, because breathing the water in my dream really felt like I remember (now) imagining about that.
Then I had another dream, in which I was some officer (older, I think -- maybe about to retire? -- and male; I think I kind of looked like James Brolin) on some kind of navy vessel, and they wanted me for some obligation, and I was running away. So there was a bit about me being chased around the ship, and just like with parking-lot dreams I have a lot of chase dreams, but this wasn't one of the anxious ones; I recall feeling sort of amused and spirited the whole time. I climbed a bunch of ladders and ducked into hatches and whatnot. It was all white, the ship. Anyway, the ship got near a pond (I know -- dream logic -- I guess it was driving around on the roads or something), and I realized I could jump off and go in the lake and become a fish. So I did. And I became a fish, and the pond was sort of murky and grody, but there were other fish there and they were happy enough there, and I became one of them. I remember sort of ducking down in the pond and watching the ship go by, and laughing to myself because I'd outsmarted them and I was free. I still remember the feeling of being all bathed in the warm, mucky water.
So I guess they were sort of the same dream. They clearly go together, at any rate. I have no idea why I would dream any of that. But I'm always worried about dying and the world ending and all that good-time party stuff. And in this dream, I really wasn't worried about it, and I woke up feeling weirded out but also somehow reassured. So...that's good, I suppose.
Anyway. Just wanted to get that down before it got away from me, I guess. Haven't posted in forever and blah blah blah. /me pats blog
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Euphemisms
I think euphemisms are funny. And I was thinking about it today as I was in CVS (goodness, I seem to do all my deep thinking in CVS), so I thought I'd post a few here that I find especially amusing.
(Note: This post might be gross and/or offensive. As I will be mentioning stuff that we usually have euphemisms for, without the euphemisms. You probably could have figured that out if you'd thought about it, but I thought I'd warn you anyway. Offense is not meant.)
I'm talking about everyday euphemisms that we all take for granted (some of which aren't even euphemisms anymore because they've taken on the meaning of what they're meant to euphemize). So not so much with the "sexual relations" or what have you. More like:
1. Family planning.
This is what got me giggling. Family planning means condoms. And birth control (another euphemism) in general. You would like to plan your family/control any births that might possibly be happening; in other words, you would like not to get pregnant while bonking a dude (or vice versa). Abortion means stopping something that's begun, so that works too.
2. Feminine care.
Also in CVS, but I didn't actually run across it today. Ladies, take care of yourselves! Sop up the blood when you have your period. ("Period" -- also a euphemism, but one of those that doesn't really work anymore.) There's ALL sorts of euphemisms for that, actually, but most of them are more funny than polite, and therefore not really in the scope of this: Aunt Flo, my friend, my time of the month, riding the cotton pony, falling to the Communists, checking into the Red Roof Inn...OK, those last three are from The Onion. I love you, Onion. Anyway.
3. Restroom.
Lots of ones for going to the hole with the water in it and pooping into it. You need a brief rest. Is there a room for that? While you're resting, you might want to poop into a hole. Bathroom, even -- you ain't taking a bath in there. Ladies' room and men's room, sure. Toilet even -- "toilet" is supposed to mean taking care of yourself. Water closet, certainly. Facilities -- so euphemistic as to be hopelessly vague unless the other person already knows EXACTLY what you're talking about.
4. Retarded.
The whole case of "retarded" is fascinating to me. Calling someone retarded is a shitty thing to say. But that, in itself, is a euphemism. It was, I presume, originally meant to be kind. It's a fancy way of saying slowed down. Feeble-minded is I would guess also a euphemism originally. Dumb certainly is -- it means not able to talk. Insane is, well, not sane, which is more polite than saying crazy. (Then you've got words that are not really euphemisms but whose origins are interesting to me -- lunatic I'm sure comes from moon, hysteria refers to a woman's uterus being the root of her craziness [probably while she was checked into the Red Roof Inn], spaz I think is from spastic. Etc.) Anyway, to replace retarded we have words like mentally handicapped, which is now rude (so is "handicapped" in general); developmentally disabled; developmentally delayed; differently abled. All euphemisms for a euphemism that ain't doing the job anymore.
I'd like to interject that I'm in favor of these euphemisms, and I'm in favor of replacing them as the veneer over their connotations wears thin, no matter how wearisome that task may seem to some. I'm not advocating going around calling people retarded because you should tell it like it is, man. I'm not Bill Maher, you know? I like politeness, and I am generally in favor of political correctness because, well, maybe it annoys you that you can't call somebody a Chinaman anymore (note: this happened to me, when my snowplow guy referred to my next-door neighbor that way, in 2008 -- I should have just scooped up the rest of the snow with my jaw) and you have to stop and think of the correct word (hint: the correct word is NOT "Oriental" anymore either), but the Korean-American guy you're saying it to is probably MORE annoyed than you are at having to hear it. And since when is needlessly being rude to somebody a good way to go about life? Then you've got two people who are annoyed at each other. I mean, the guy who doesn't feel like learning not to call people spics or dykes or fags or Negroes or retards might not like being called a mick or a gook or a wop or a frog or a towelhead or a kike or a cripple or a redneck or a fatso or...whatever. And even for people who claim these words, own them, call themselves cripples or wops or whatever -- great, and I'm all for that, but it still doesn't mean you can call other people names and accuse them of being oversensitive, because everybody's different. Just...don't be a jackass (a metaphor, not a euphemism). I know for older folks it's hard and I give them somewhat of a pass (along of course with non-fluent English speakers, because it's hard not to be super clueless about all that kind of subtle stuff in a foreign language), but...try to learn the right words. Don't be calling people colored and queers and retards just to be contrary because the world has changed and you don't like it and you already learned Oriental when you were told not to say chink and now you can't say Oriental anymore even though you already learned it. That's how it goes. You wouldn't spit in someone's face, even if their face was conveniently right there, so don't call them a Chinaman because you can't be bothered to remember that it's more polite to say Asian. There -- soapbox away. Tangent. Sorry.
I'm also not talking about slang words like dong, wang, wiener, dick, pee-pee, etc. Just euphemisms. Like...genitalia, I guess.
Adjacent (heh) to that topic, though:
5. Rear end.
Just about everything that describes the buttocks, except for "buttocks," is a euphemism. Hindquarters: the area of you that's behind. Behind: ditto. Bottom: the part of you that's on the bottom. Bum: Actually I have no idea where "bum" comes from -- maybe it's from a baby falling down; maybe it's short for bottom. We said hiney, which comes from hindquarters. Rump: Hmm, not sure again. Ass/arse: well, I suspect that one's slang, actually. Beehonkus: hee.
6. Relations.
Even though I said "sexual relations" above was NOT what I was talking about, I find "relations" a hilariously delicate way of putting it that, as with "facilities," leaves out any reference to what's actually going on altogether. If I went into all the words for sex we'd be here all night, so I'll leave it at that -- let's just allow that it would be too long and hard, and agree that that's what she said.
Well, I've run out of steam (metaphor). Time for me to eat some macaroni and cheese, which is definitely not a euphemism but a delicious and literal truth.
Yeah, I know I haven't posted since December and I just randomly come in one day with this silliness. My blog! Woo-hoo!
(Note: This post might be gross and/or offensive. As I will be mentioning stuff that we usually have euphemisms for, without the euphemisms. You probably could have figured that out if you'd thought about it, but I thought I'd warn you anyway. Offense is not meant.)
I'm talking about everyday euphemisms that we all take for granted (some of which aren't even euphemisms anymore because they've taken on the meaning of what they're meant to euphemize). So not so much with the "sexual relations" or what have you. More like:
1. Family planning.
This is what got me giggling. Family planning means condoms. And birth control (another euphemism) in general. You would like to plan your family/control any births that might possibly be happening; in other words, you would like not to get pregnant while bonking a dude (or vice versa). Abortion means stopping something that's begun, so that works too.
2. Feminine care.
Also in CVS, but I didn't actually run across it today. Ladies, take care of yourselves! Sop up the blood when you have your period. ("Period" -- also a euphemism, but one of those that doesn't really work anymore.) There's ALL sorts of euphemisms for that, actually, but most of them are more funny than polite, and therefore not really in the scope of this: Aunt Flo, my friend, my time of the month, riding the cotton pony, falling to the Communists, checking into the Red Roof Inn...OK, those last three are from The Onion. I love you, Onion. Anyway.
3. Restroom.
Lots of ones for going to the hole with the water in it and pooping into it. You need a brief rest. Is there a room for that? While you're resting, you might want to poop into a hole. Bathroom, even -- you ain't taking a bath in there. Ladies' room and men's room, sure. Toilet even -- "toilet" is supposed to mean taking care of yourself. Water closet, certainly. Facilities -- so euphemistic as to be hopelessly vague unless the other person already knows EXACTLY what you're talking about.
4. Retarded.
The whole case of "retarded" is fascinating to me. Calling someone retarded is a shitty thing to say. But that, in itself, is a euphemism. It was, I presume, originally meant to be kind. It's a fancy way of saying slowed down. Feeble-minded is I would guess also a euphemism originally. Dumb certainly is -- it means not able to talk. Insane is, well, not sane, which is more polite than saying crazy. (Then you've got words that are not really euphemisms but whose origins are interesting to me -- lunatic I'm sure comes from moon, hysteria refers to a woman's uterus being the root of her craziness [probably while she was checked into the Red Roof Inn], spaz I think is from spastic. Etc.) Anyway, to replace retarded we have words like mentally handicapped, which is now rude (so is "handicapped" in general); developmentally disabled; developmentally delayed; differently abled. All euphemisms for a euphemism that ain't doing the job anymore.
I'd like to interject that I'm in favor of these euphemisms, and I'm in favor of replacing them as the veneer over their connotations wears thin, no matter how wearisome that task may seem to some. I'm not advocating going around calling people retarded because you should tell it like it is, man. I'm not Bill Maher, you know? I like politeness, and I am generally in favor of political correctness because, well, maybe it annoys you that you can't call somebody a Chinaman anymore (note: this happened to me, when my snowplow guy referred to my next-door neighbor that way, in 2008 -- I should have just scooped up the rest of the snow with my jaw) and you have to stop and think of the correct word (hint: the correct word is NOT "Oriental" anymore either), but the Korean-American guy you're saying it to is probably MORE annoyed than you are at having to hear it. And since when is needlessly being rude to somebody a good way to go about life? Then you've got two people who are annoyed at each other. I mean, the guy who doesn't feel like learning not to call people spics or dykes or fags or Negroes or retards might not like being called a mick or a gook or a wop or a frog or a towelhead or a kike or a cripple or a redneck or a fatso or...whatever. And even for people who claim these words, own them, call themselves cripples or wops or whatever -- great, and I'm all for that, but it still doesn't mean you can call other people names and accuse them of being oversensitive, because everybody's different. Just...don't be a jackass (a metaphor, not a euphemism). I know for older folks it's hard and I give them somewhat of a pass (along of course with non-fluent English speakers, because it's hard not to be super clueless about all that kind of subtle stuff in a foreign language), but...try to learn the right words. Don't be calling people colored and queers and retards just to be contrary because the world has changed and you don't like it and you already learned Oriental when you were told not to say chink and now you can't say Oriental anymore even though you already learned it. That's how it goes. You wouldn't spit in someone's face, even if their face was conveniently right there, so don't call them a Chinaman because you can't be bothered to remember that it's more polite to say Asian. There -- soapbox away. Tangent. Sorry.
I'm also not talking about slang words like dong, wang, wiener, dick, pee-pee, etc. Just euphemisms. Like...genitalia, I guess.
Adjacent (heh) to that topic, though:
5. Rear end.
Just about everything that describes the buttocks, except for "buttocks," is a euphemism. Hindquarters: the area of you that's behind. Behind: ditto. Bottom: the part of you that's on the bottom. Bum: Actually I have no idea where "bum" comes from -- maybe it's from a baby falling down; maybe it's short for bottom. We said hiney, which comes from hindquarters. Rump: Hmm, not sure again. Ass/arse: well, I suspect that one's slang, actually. Beehonkus: hee.
6. Relations.
Even though I said "sexual relations" above was NOT what I was talking about, I find "relations" a hilariously delicate way of putting it that, as with "facilities," leaves out any reference to what's actually going on altogether. If I went into all the words for sex we'd be here all night, so I'll leave it at that -- let's just allow that it would be too long and hard, and agree that that's what she said.
Well, I've run out of steam (metaphor). Time for me to eat some macaroni and cheese, which is definitely not a euphemism but a delicious and literal truth.
Yeah, I know I haven't posted since December and I just randomly come in one day with this silliness. My blog! Woo-hoo!
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